Crackin Complaints

These have done the rounds before but I thought a giggle or two was worth a re-visit to these ;-)

Genuine Council Complaints
extracts from letters sent to various Councils and Housing Associations
throughout the U.K.


I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
knob off

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is
continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I
think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in
September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are
plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age
pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at
6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so
please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still
have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get
BBC2.

My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can't take any more.

...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.





Genuine Consumer Complaints


A man opened his cornflakes and found an insect. He wrote to the
manufacturer who replied that his letter had caused a great deal of
concern at head office. To find an insect in their product was, they
thought, impossible: they would close the factory and fumigate it. They
expressed their gratitude to the man for bringing such a serious matter to
their attention.

The man was delighted especially as the manufacturer had sent him
vouchers so he could get replacement packs. However, his delight was cut
short when he read the Post-It note attached to the letter. It was from
the Vice President of Consumer Affairs and read: "Send this creep the
usual insect letter".