Pump up the volume

Cultural witterings over, now have a laugh ;-)

Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
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What's the difference between an Appalachian dulcimer and a hammered dulcimer?
A hammered dulcimer burns hotter; an Appalachian dulcimer burns longer.
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How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.
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What happens if you play blues music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
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What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
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What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."
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"Hey, buddy, how late do the filkers play?"
"Oh, about half a beat behind..."
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What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?
Eventually the puppy stops whining.
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How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
1. "One, two, three, one, two, three..."
2. "Hey man, I just do sound."
3. One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

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How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.
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How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.
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Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.
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How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1. None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
2. "Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"


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How do you turn a duck into a soul artist?
Put it in the oven until its (it's) Bill Withers.
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Micheal Caine goes up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What kind of cigar are you smoking there?"

"It's a Lawrence Welk." says Milton.

"What's a Lawrence Welk?" Micheal asks.

Milton says "It's a piece of crap with a band wrapped around it."