Gone Fishing

Here's a few to keep you going whilst i'm away with the fairies, sorry fishes ;-)

Gardening Rule : when weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it look normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it that one careless match can start a bush fire, but it takes a whole box to start a camp fire??

Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum"

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?